Friday, October 31, 2008

Top Ten Things To Keep In Mind When In Rome...

10. Every other person is a tourist just like you It's par for the course when you're sightseeing. So go ahead and unfold your giant city map to figure out where the hell you are. Just step aside because the sidewalks are only as wide as a hefty American (think Michael Moore).

9. Locals love it when you take a crack at the lingo Buy a phrase book on Amazon.com and try to order your pizza or drink in Italian (i..e., "Vorrei un cafe"). Nine out of 10 times your efforts will be rewarded with an inviting smile and hopefully exactly what you ordered. The downside to this kind of communication is that it's only one-way. So if/when the waiter responds in Italian, my fall back answer is usually "si?" (yes) and a cutesy shrug of my shoulders. Then hope for the best.

8. Leave your "personal space" at home People will unapologeticaly bump into you, stand right in front of you as if you're not there, cut you in line without batting an eye, steal your table, and take up the whole sidewalk (which isn't hard considering it's size), thus, forcing you to walk alongside swerving vespas, double-decker buses, and smart cars.

7. PDA validates Italian relationships It's impossible to walk down the street and not see a liplocking couple hanging off each other as if their life depended on it. I've come to the understanding that if a man and women aren't either tongue-wrestling or sweetly petting each other's face/hair on the street, then they're most likely not in looove.

6. Get ready to carb-load like it's your job When traveling on the beaten path, your diet will solely consist of pizzas, pastas, and gelati. Italians know that's what most tourists want and that's what they'll get. If you're looking for a more diverse or authentic menu, you'll have to go where the locals go (usually also where they live) or the crappy part of town (near the Termini train station for example), which I noticed had some ethnic options, like "Cinese"--the "ci" is pronounced "ch" in Italian.

5. You don't need to be religious to appreciate Jesus, Joseph and Mary If Michelangelo, Raphael, and Caravaggio's extraordinary visions don't get you wondering whether this holy family existed, the immaculate St. Peter's Bascilica complete with heaven-high ceilings, an altar fit for a king, and celebrated artwork like "The Pieta," may at least make you utter an "oh god."

4. Bank on carrying around at least two ATM cards From my experience, if your ATM pin is seven digits or longer, you will not be able to access money from an ATM (or "bancamat") here. To get cash, I had to take out advances from my Capital One credit card (it has a four-digit pin), which worked out fine considering that this company doesn't charge any overseas transaction fees.

3. Every Italian man thinks he's Cassanova Italian men--from the diaper'd to the blue-haired--is a ladies' man. Unfortunately, most aren't as smooth as they think. Catcalls (one gal I met at a hostel told me that a guy at a train station propositioned her for sex) and public groping (another gal at the same hostel told me a guy just grabbed her bum outta nowhere) is pretty standard around these parts. But there are some men who do justice to the legendary reputation. One guitarist, who serenaded my friends and I over dinner one night, claimed to have crafted a poem in his head about me while singing. He later recited it to me in Spanish so I could understand. He was old and ugly, but I was definitely flattered.

2. Ask for "il conto" (the bill) as soon as you order your meal Otherwise, the waiter will expect you to hang out in the restaurant for two or three hours. Lunch and dinners are meant to be time-consuming events. You're expected to sit, relax, drink lots of wine and chat with your friends while devouring your pasta alla rabiatta at your leisure. With that in mind, most shops close between 2pm and 4pm so that everyone (including shop owners) can enjoy their God-given right to a lengthy meal. Ironically, I also found many restaurants close at 2 PM and don't reopen until 7 or 8 PM for dinner.

1. Follow the herd to safely get to the other side Should you ever want to cross any street in Rome, heed this advice: Take a deep breath, stick one leg out and GO. Don't hesistate for a second or you WILL be a deer caught in headlights (the Vespa kind, too!). Traffic lights, stop signs, and lanes are mere suggestions to the licensed citizens of Rome. Pedestrians are at the mercy of all those on two-to four-wheels. Should you decide to cautiously wait for a break in traffic, expect to exercise your patience at frustrating levels. When in doubt or in a rush, look out for locals or other tourists heading in your direction. Go when they go and they can serve as buffers between you and the bumpers.

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